Knowing she’s never been good with people, a leader seeks coaching to her deepen relationships in ways she can tolerate. Two ways to deepen workplace relationships: Matching & Curiosity 4 Ways to Match: Match Purpose  Match Energy  Match Conversations  Match Vulnerability  Express Curiosity by Asking Deep Questions Make sure your questions are open-ended Invite reflection Keep the other person talking Answering questions powerfully is another way to deepen relationships. Check out our recent episode on that topic. Deepen relationships at work by listening to Dave Stachowiak’s conversation on Coaching For Leaders with Charles Duhigg about his book Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.  Recently, Tom ed Dave on Coaching for Leaders to explore How to Take Initiative. A lively, thought-provoking episode. Coaches! us at ICF Los Angeles’s Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check us out on the ICF-LA website.  Categories in the archive to explore for more ideas about deepening relationships: Communication Skills Building Relationships Managing Yourself Five episodes that’ll help you get deeper: Building Empathy Building Listening Building Rapport Influence The Conflict Conversation Are you ready to invest in yourself? We offer listeners world-class coaching at an affordable price. Reach out to Tom here. Transcripts of every episode, including this one, are available for free here.  More resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here. Until next time! From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader is losing credibility with her senior leaders. Her boss thinks she can turn it around by learning the sorting tool that transformed him as a communicator, so he brings in the coach who taught him. Sorting & Labeling! The grandaddy of all communication tools. If you can sort and label you will sound like a leader. The four steps in Sorting & Labeling: Use a headline Use a number Label each number Transition with clarity See it all for yourself in our free Sorting & Labeling infographic. To all women who work in social or environmental change: Women’s Impact Alliance wants to you. Check out their website to see all they ways they can help you succeed. Coaches! Come our Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. Check us out on the ICF-LA website.  Categories of episodes that have more ways to help you talk so people understand you: Communication Skills Leading Teams Presentation Skills Five episodes that’ll speed you down the path: 106 - Communicating with Clarity 253 - How to Answer Questions Powerfully 65 - Sorting & Labeling 16 - Sounding Well-Spoken 20 - Staying on Track Curious about coaching for yourself? We offer a special program for listeners. Reach out to Tom here.   Transcripts of this and every episode are available for free here.  More resources are in our monthly email. Sign up here! Until next time! From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader was given one goal for his coaching: improve how he answered questions. Knowing he struggled with this not only at work, but at home, he asked his coach for tools.  Our free PDF shows the two scripts: one for closed-ended questions, one for open-ended. it here. Don’t assume you know why people ask what they ask. You don’t. Ever.      The closed-ended script: Answer what’s asked Match Length Check for understanding Then add your details No mattress stuffing! It’s a customer service exchange. The open-ended script: Start with a number  Label the first item Explain in brief Make the leap. Start with a number. It’ll be okay. When you know things, use this script. You will sound expert. The open-ended script is a variation of the Sorting & Labeling tool. the PDF and listen to the episode. CALLING ALL COACHES! Come ICF-LA’s Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We’d love to see you. Check us out here. Related categories in the library: Communication Skills Leadership Perception – How Others Perceive You Five related episodes: 215 - How to Stay Calm Under Fire 249 - How to Tackle Overtalking 159 - Short Sounds Confident 185 - The Talky Executive 151 - Under Executive Questioning Have ideas about how “The Look & Sound of Leadership” might grow and evolve? Share your ideas with Tom here. Transcripts of this and every episode are available for free here.  Our monthly email, with resources you don’t hear about on the show. Subscribe here! Wishing you spring freshness,  From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A leader suddenly hears how harshly she speaks to herself. Wanting help, she turns to her coach who gives her tools to build a practice of self-esteem.      The three self-esteem practices are: Self-Acceptance: Practice being FOR yourself Self-Worth & Happiness: Practice saying, “I am worthy of being happy” Live in Reality: Practice acknowledging what is and what is not. our free Feeling Words Grid. The Tools bin with other free resources is here. Four ways to help you live in reality: Respect facts Respect facts about yourself Interpretations are not facts Feelings are not facts Nathaniel Branden’s “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” is still a definitive work. Check out the 31-week sentence completion exercise in the back. Related categories in the library: Managing Yourself   Perception – How You Perceive Yourself Self-Talk Five related episodes: 241 - Conquering People Pleasing 209 - How to Build Self-Awareness 224 - How to Disarm a Trigger 242 - Mastering Nerves 231 - Staying Afloat in a Shitstorm Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.   Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here.  Our monthly email – finally easy to subscribe to! Click here! CALLING ALL COACHES! us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We meet six times a year. Our first meeting in 2025 is Friday, February 14th, 9:00 am Pacific. 2025 Meeting Dates February 14 April 11 June 13 August 8 September 12  November 14 Fridays, 9:00 – 10:30am Pacific Sponsored by ICF-LA Stay safe, everyone. From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A coaching client wonders what elements need to be present for someone to appear ‘executive.’ Two executive coaches ponder this question and come up with five elements they deem essential. Categories in the archive to explore: Developing New Behaviors Executive Presence Perception – How You’re Perceived Six episodes to dive into: 189 - Don’t Take Anything Personally 178 - Executive Presence – Three Pillars 168 - Influence 108 - Shouldering the Burden of Leadership 23 - Speed of Thought the Six Books for Growth here. Listen to “The Show Must Go On” episode, about a real-life on-stage catastrophe. Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.   Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here.  More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here. FOR COACHES: Michael Lewis’s podcast, “Against the Rules,” devotes its second season (2020) to all different types of coaching.  us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We meet six times a year. Our first meeting in 2025 is Friday, February 14th, 9:00 am Pacific. 2025 Meeting Dates Fridays, 9:00 – 10:30am Pacific February 14 April 11 June 13 August 8 September 12  November 14 Sponsored by ICF-LA Wishing us all comion and grace in 2025. From The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A senior leader, upset about having flubbed her reply to ‘Tell us about yourself’ during a high-stakes interview, talks with her coach about how to prepare for what she considers to be an incredibly stupid question.  Categories in the archive to explore: Communication Skills Executive Presence Presentation Skills Six episodes to dive into: 34 - Keeping Repeated Materials Fresh 77 - The Power of Rehearsal 65 - Sorting & Labeling 180 - Becoming Expert 114 - Gravitas 124 - Personal Branding For help Sorting & Labeling, the PDF. For help finding your three words, use our Needs & Values assessment. For a new way of thinking about interviewing: Interviewology, The New Science of Interviewing.” For career guidance, Michele Calderigi, head of Next Career, is a seasoned counselor. Lois Frankel’s Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office remains a favorite among senior women in the workplace. Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.   Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here.  More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here. Safe and sane holidays, everyone! from The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation.  Two mindsets from this episode: When you speak, have a destination in mind.  Ask yourself: “What is my point exactly?” and “Why is this something they need to know?” Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests. Ask yourself: “Does what I’m talking about right now help us get to the destination?” If not, skip it. It doesn’t matter why you overtalk. Overtalking is limiting. Build your awareness of when you do it. Learn to ‘hear’ the communications you have. Who talked how long?  What were the smaller conversations within the larger communication? More tools to build your self-awareness and communication skills can be found in the Essential Communications bin and in the archive of all 16 years of the show. Build awareness browsing these categories: Self-Management Perception – How You Perceive Yourself Develop your communication skills in this category: Communication Skills Five Episodes to help your skills are: 53 - Answer What’s Asked 65 - Sorting & Labeling 20 - Staying on Track 11 - Sounding Executive 16 - Sounding Well-Spoken “Think Fast Talk Smart” podcast with Matt Abrahams. Great tools to help you be a better communicator. Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.   Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here.  More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here. Coaches! the results of ICF-LA’s pricing survey here. Be safe, everyone!  The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A vice-president gets kudos for likability but knocks for her inability to listen. With her coach, she talks about listening repeatedly. This episode features one of those conversations.  The 3 listening mindsets: Listen to learn Feelings are natural Stay separate the free multi-page learning tool about listening here.  This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive: Communication Skills Managing Yourself Relationship Building Five episodes you might listen to are: 136 -  A Breakdown of Listening 83 - Leadership and Listening 10 - Listen Without An Agenda 229 - The Sound of Leadership & Management - 2023 232 - Unlocking Executive Presence through Emotional Intelligence Coaches! the pricing survey here. us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We welcome coaches at every stage of development. Check us out here: If you’re curious about coaching, reach out to Tom here.   Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here.  More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here. To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, much gratitude! 

Battling perfectionism and anxiety, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a tool that helps her tame her terrors.  This episode dovetails with many ideas in last month’s episode about Coaching versus Therapy. Tom talks about his own bout with anxiety and a near career-ending attack of nervousness in this episode from April.  https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/mastering-nerves/ Pixar’s Inside Out 2 has a powerful depiction of a 13-year-old girl suffering a full-blown anxiety attack. The experience and its aftermath is moving. MindShift CBT is a free app designed to help you take charge of your anxiety and develop more effective ways of thinking.  Watch the introductory video Dr. Steven Melemis, a mood disorder expert, wrote I Want to Change My Life, filled with practical exercises and a one-month step-by-step plan to start you on a road to transformation. In under two minutes, Tom shared a “golden nugget” on the “How to Survive and Thrive Podcast.” You can hear it here. This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive: For Women Personal Growth & Self-Development Self-Talk Five episodes with more tools to help you master anxiety are: #52 Coaching v Therapy  #152 Combating Emotional Hijacks #147 Conquering Fear #96 The Many Parts of you #78 Unmasking a Stand-In Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.   Want a free transcript of this episode? You can it here.  Every month we share more resources in our Essential News email. Sign up here. To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! 

Tired of feeling like a fraud, a leader searches for help down different paths. She and her coach talk about how coaching is, and is not, like therapy. The leader in this episode wrestles with feelings of being a fraud. Tom talks about three resources to help manage that feeling: “The Executive Impostor”  Episode #176 of “The Look & Sound of Leadership” Self-Esteem at Work by Nathaniel Branden & Warren Bennis The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman Additional tools to your professional development are these free PDFs from our Essential Tools bin: Johari Window Readiness in Coaching You can listen to Tom’s conversations on these two shows: “I Need at Coach” with Adam Packard  “Take Five” with Paul Butler This episode is tagged in four categories in our podcast archive: For Women Managing Yourself Personal Growth & Self-Development Self-Talk Four episodes, in addition to “The Executive Impostor” listed above, that will help you dive deeper into the ideas in this episode are: 52 - Coaching v Therapy  191 - Coaching Under Attack 78 - Unmasking a Stand In 171 - Taming the Wild Child Be in touch with Tom here. Grab a free transcript of this episode here. We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here. To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! 

A leader and her coach discuss a three-step model for turning upward into a learning conversation that might allow the boss to hear the message.  This month’s coaching conversation explores whether should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver the effectively?  the free “Giving Upward ” PDF. In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here’s the column he mentions. This episode is tagged in the library in three categories: Communication Skills Managing Up Five related episodes you might listen to are: 74 Dealing with Emotional Responses 14 Delivering Tough 32 Giving Powerful 118 Perception is Reality 99 The Disruptive Executive – Part One Be in touch with Tom here.   Grab a free transcript of the episode here.  We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here. From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! 

Knowing she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals, an ambitious leader asks her coach what a good networking conversation actually sounds like. Resources for Building Your Networking Skills Leverage the latest algorithm on LinkedIn with this research report. Coaching For Leaders podcast: “How to Grow Your Professional Network” Coaching For Leaders podcast: “Executive Presence with Your Elevator Speech” 10 Rules for Networking Link to 10 Rules of Networking PDF in Essential Tools bin Sorting & Labeling Link to Sorting & Labeling PDF in Essential Tools bin The Look & Sound of Leadership: “Assume Equality” The Look & Sound of Leadership: “Being Concise” This month’s episode is in the podcast archive in three categories: For Women Relationship Building Social Skills Five episodes to grow your networking skills:  162 - Acting on the Corporate Stage 180 - Becoming Expert 193 - Branding Yourself 176 - The Executive Impostor 192 - Pursuing a Promotion 2020 Grab a free transcript of this episode here.  Be in touch with Tom here. We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here. Listen to Tom’s conversation with Scott Ritzheimer on “Secrets of the High Demand Coach.” COACHES! us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. You’ll get CCE’s, too! From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!  #podcast#leadershipnetworking#growyournetwork#professoinalconnections#networkingskills#leadershipdevelopment#networkbuilding#careerconnections

An ambitious leader knows she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals. But, to her, networking feels slimy, so she asks her coach for help.  Some core concepts from this episode: The purpose of networking is to know people. Don’t target people. Nurture a relationship. Make networking 5% of your job every week. Networking makes you a more valuable employee. Show interest in the other person. No monologuing about yourself. Listen to Tom’s “Flow” and “Fall” stories on the Coaching Stories podcast with Dr. Sam Humphrey.  COACHES! us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. You’ll get CCE’s, too! https://www.icfla.org/special-interest-groups-2/ Be in touch with Tom here. Please help yourself to the free resources in our Essential Tools bin including one called “10 Rules of Networking.”    This month’s episode is in the podcast archive in three categories: For Women Relationship Building Social Skills Five episodes to grow your networking skills:  42 - The Art of Chat 58 - Elevator Speeches 242 - Mastering Nerves 129 - Mentoring & Mentors 66 - Networking Tom also mentioned an episode called Conquering People Pleasing. Grab a free transcript of the episode here.  We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here. From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! 

Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned.  Tom’s Top Three Ideas for Mastering Nerves: Celebrate Incremental Improvement Write Happy Endings Ignore Your Nerves Here is the clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkN0sPQ76E0 Email Tom and tell him he’s crazy here. For Coaches! 2 Resources! 1.  Coaching Stories Podcast 2.  Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF-LA. CCE’s given! Tom’s conversations with Neha Singh on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast are here and here. Please help yourself to the free resources in our Essential Tools bin. This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories: Managing Yourself Nervousness Self-Talk Five episodes to help conquer your people pleasing tendencies:  Act “As If” Choosing Persistence Conquering Fear The Executive Impostor The Many Parts of You Grab a free transcript of the episode here.  Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here. From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!

Angry at himself for continually putting others’ needs before his own, a leader turns to his coach for tools. He learns a new way to think and a behavior to try.  Be in touch with Tom here. Listen to Tom’s conversations with Neha on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast here and here. Our Essential Tools bin has free resources to help you build your look and sound of leadership.   G.W. Bailey’s imdb page is here. This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories: For Women Managing Yourself Self-Talk Five episodes to help conquer your people pleasing tendencies:  188 Boundaries 165 The Conflict Conversation 220 Holding Boundaries 219 How to Set Boundaries 116 Speaking Your Truth  Grab a free transcript of the show here.  Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here. From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!

A vice president, struggling to control his team of artists, learns a technique for managing bad behavior from his coach. He likes it so much, he uses it with his high performers, too. The tool described in this episode is simple to understand but may take a bit of courage to implement. Courage can be taught. Brené Brown created her Dare to Lead course for exactly that purpose. Ready to build your courage? Reach out to us here. Find more resources to build your skills in the podcast archive. Search these categories: Assertiveness Management Skills Five episodes you might listen to are: #47 Discussing Difficult Behaviors #18 Holding People able #138 Managing Disruptive Executives #127 Managing Performance: Up or Out #65 Sorting & Labeling A free infographic for Sorting & Labeling is in our Essential Tools bin. Help yourself to that and all the others. Thinking about developing someone in your organization, or yourself? Reach out to Tom here. Grab a free transcript of the show here. Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here. From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! #podcast #managingbadbehavior #leadershippodcast #leadershipchallenges  #behaviormanagement  #leadershiptips   #leadershipdevelopment  

A leader is so furious with his self-absorbed boss, he considers quitting the company. He asks his coach to help him manage himself and defuse his triggers. In addition to the five strategies Tom talks about in this episode, there are lots more strategies in his conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching For Leaders “How to Deal with a Boss Who’s a Jerk.”  Tom’s wide-ranging conversation with Josh Dittmer can be found here. Free tools to your professional development are in our Essential Tools bin. Please help yourself. Ready to explore coaching? Reach out to Tom here. Other episodes to help you manage yourself in difficult workplace relationshipsare: The Disruptive Executive – Part One The Disruptive Executive – Part Two Don’t Take It Personally Handling Defensive Behaviors The High-Maintenance Executive Looking for a transcript of the show? it here. Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here. Thanks to all of you, from Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership.  Happy, healthy, safe new year! #podcast #podcastadvice #dealingwithnarcissists #toxicrelationships #navigatingnarcissism #emotionalresilience

Tired of losing to more savvy players, a leader seeks to decode the secrets of playing politics, focusing particularly on company culture. our free Political Style Chart here. “The Secret Handshake” is a great tool for mastering workplace politics. Looking for a transcript of the show?  Read it here. More tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories: For Women Perception – how you perceive others Relationship Building Here are five episodes to help develop your political savvy: 188 - Boundaries 210 - How to grow your self-management 67 - “I hate politics” 142 - The Mindful Executive 121 - Your Goodwill Bank Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here. Let us know how we can you. Happy, healthy, safe new year. I look forward to being with you all in 2024. From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, Happy New Year! And thanks!

A leader feels stuck. She sees others winning resources she felt should have been hers, but she hates playing politics. What to do? our free Political Style Chart here. “The Secret Handshake” is a great tool for mastering workplace politics.  Many more tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories: Self-Talk Leadership For Women Here are five episodes to help develop your political savvy: 187 - Agreeable Disagreement 215 - How to Stay Calm Under Fire 192 - Pursuing a Promotion 207 - Tough Conversations 67 - “I Hate Politics” Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here. JAPAN! Email me with your suggestions for what we should not miss in Japan this December! [email protected] Let us know how we can you. Be kind to yourself. Things are rough out there! From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership,  be well! And thanks!  

A leader, surrounded by people she knows and trusts, can’t seem to get traction with them. In conversation with her coach, she discovers an unexpected cause. Tools for teams abound in this episode.  The four tools Tom suggests as first steps for helping your team openly discuss ideas are: Say ‘thank you’ when people offer an idea; Be curious; don’t dismiss ideas or people; Don’t take differences personally; it’s not about you; Develop your comfort with disagreement. The Gradients of Agreement tool s the ideas in this episode. it for free from our Essential Tools bin along with other communication tools like Sorting & Labeling. Additional tools for team growth mentioned in this episode are the classic Crucial Conversations and Tom’s conversation on The cATalyzing Podcast. This episode is in our podcast library in three categories: Communication Skills Leading Teams Management Skills Specific episodes that will help you develop your team are: Facilitating Open Dialogue How Teams Fight Leadership Behavior in Meetings Power Tools for Teams: Plus/Delta Questions as Leadership Taming Meetings  Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. You can sign up here. To those of you who post reviews, thank you so much for ing the show. Let us know how we can you. Until next month, from Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, be well! And thanks! #podcast #TeamDecisionMaking #Teamwork #Leadership #ConsensusBuilding    #EffectiveTeams  #TeamCommunication #TeamLeadership